The McGill Crookstore

Andrew Gross 9.1.05

Every time I step into the McGill bookstore, I feel as though I am forced to shove my body into one of those Chinese finger traps  - and the only way to escape is by tossing my wallet into a fishbowl to free myself. The problem is, it's hard to move around once I am caught in the damn contraption - which causes me to have really poor aim when I toss my wallet. I go through about three or four wallets every time I enter the damn place - which..I was forced to do in the first place.

That's why I hate the McGill bookstore. Students line up with over priced books, and for the most part, don't have any other option than to do just that. And we all stand there throwing our wallets around while the privately owned bookstore cashes in on the best market ever: one where they know the demand will be high, and they are the one and only supplier. Imagine if you will, a city called "Beingfucked" where there is only one drug dealer around. You need to have your fix, or you won't be able to go on with your daily way. Mr. Monopolistic Money-bags drug dealer has higher than normal prices because he is not in a competitive market. He knows it just a matter of time before the junkies come, with their arms strapped and their syringes in place, foam bubbling from their mouths, crazed, red-eyed and zombie like for their candy - the only thing they have left in their pathetic, worn out and miserable lives.

Wow good thing that is a make believe city. But if it were real, it wouldn't be called "Beingfucked" it would be called "The McGill Bookstore Selling Smack." Instead we get the McGill bookstore selling books and it becomes all intellectual and high-brow an honorable. The McGill bookstore, a private organization with a fat profit margin as its main and only goal, has a monopoly on McGill students. We are trapped! (Keep in mind these Smack selling bookstores exist on every college campus - where they've cornered the market on selling specific material you need like course packs.) But being that every monopoly will eventually piss of its "customers" sooner or later, I've devised a strategy to make that day come sooner.

This is where it gets interesting and important, so pay attention. We are going to take this bitch down from the inside by making petty maneuvers which will save us money and reduce the bookstore's profits - all from a semi-moral ground. Shibby!

Number 1: If your course has a specific course pack that the teacher has compiled, make a friend quick who has already bought the course pack - or go to buy it in groups - but only buy one copy. Then take your pretty faces down to a nearby photocopy shop and ask for them to make a copy for you. Bind it if you are feeling saucy. Don't think you will save money? Well don't think ever again so help you god. But it does save money - a lot of it, and more importantly it causes the bookstore to not make as much. HAHA suckers. I like Copie Nova between McTavish and Peel, and if you buy a card from them it pays off.

Number 2: Only a few can pull this off - you have to be the clean, persistent, slightly poor, highly motivated type, and turn the McGill bookstore into your own library. That's right folks - your very own library. Never actually "buy" books, but rather go there whenever you need to read your book, take it from downstairs up 2 flights to the café, and do your homework. Return book unscathed when done. Rinse and repeat. A drawback to this method is that sometimes books sell out for a course. What can I say, students can posses addictive personalities when it comes to drugs. When the addictive "monkey on the students back" is ape sized and has one of those weird baboon asses - you may be in trouble. This solution only works if there are enough copies.

Number 3: Another non-buying situation is using the reserve desk in the Redpath library, where the teacher normally puts a couple of copies of the book for actual library use. However this is not your own personal library like before so you have to share. Generally reserve books are allowed to be out for three hours. To beat this minor annoyance, you have to take out a book within the last three hours of the reserve desk being open. Then you get to keep the book over night to lets say, write your paper. But be careful, get the book back early in the morning when they open, or you will owe a huge fine, because you will be charged per minute overnight! Again, another ridiculous thing about McGill so be aware.

Number 4: If you need to have a copy of a book, why not go in with someone and share a copy. It saves trees, and it is a nice 50% off. Make sure you make some kind of schedule with the person. Also make sure it is a person, because I went in with the baboon on my back, and he stiffed me big time, and always read over my shoulder anyway. Rafiki bastard.

Number 5: Look other places for your book (other than coursepacks) to see if you can get it cheaper elsewhere. I just bought books on amazon.ca for half the price they were listed in the bookstore. That's an extra 60 bucks you can spend on booze folks. Your money will still be going to a private company, but at least you will get hosed. It's also a nifty thing to tell Mom, because she will think you are actually learning something at school. Try a used bookstore like The Word on Milton , or through the McGill Classifieds. These classes for the most part pre-date you, and most teachers are too lazy to change them around - so someone else has the book you need, and they don't want it anymore.  Think of it as getting your fix from someone else - maybe the quality aint as good - but, hey if it gets you high....

Number 6: Don't read the book. C'mon how many of you have bought books you never crack. It will also show off your superior ability to do well without having done anything at all.

Number 7: Now this isn't condoned by me, yet, but you can also walk out of the store with the books in your hand and let's say, erm, forget to pay. Word has it that the sensors pick up things like cameras, not most books. Or if you are feeling sinister, you can swipe the book against one of the open magnetic strips in the basement. Remember you only look fishy if you feel fishy yourself my little sardines. No don't do that, but if the revolution comes I'd imagine that's what would happen. There would be confetti too. At the revolution.

Let's face it, the McGill Crookstore experience just sucks. But with our powers combined, we can make it suck a little bit less.