A Brave New Dating World
Subject X - 9.04.2005
I have this image in my head of one day sitting on a porch swing with my little daughter in my lap and my wife and son sitting beside me. It's a lazy Sunday afternoon and we're just hanging out, maybe having some ice tea, talking about how our week has gone. Eventually, one of the kids will look up at me and ask ‘hey dad, how did you and mom meet?'
‘Well, let me tell you,' I'd respond excitedly ‘I was walking down the street one day when I was young when I noticed your mother walking a few steps ahead of me. I was surprised by how many bags of groceries one little lady could carry. All of a sudden, your mother tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and went down like a ton of bricks, groceries flying everywhere.'
Here my wife would begin to laugh and claim that it hadn't really been that bad, even though we'd both secretly know that it had.
‘Well, as it turns out,' I'd continue ‘your mother had sprained her ankle pretty badly and could not walk the rest of the way home. And so, being the chivalrous man that I am, I carried your pretty little mother and her hundred bags of groceries the remainder of the way to her apartment as she hid her face in my shirt in embarrassment.'
Ya, the kids would sure like that unrealistic story. If only life were like that…
Recently though this image has been slowly fading away as a new, slightly less romantic one has fought its way in. In this image I find myself telling the kids this much more plausible story.
‘Well kids, what happened was that your mom put up an ad on an internet dating site and I was one of the 6,000 horny guys who responded to it based on her cleavage-laden pictures. Eventually, your mother responded to my message and luckily enough I was one of the dozen or so guys that she began dating. The rest, as they say, is history…'
How could the kids not love that story??
Internet dating…is that really what it's come down to?
‘You're being too closed-minded and judgmental' I'm told by an old friend whilst discussing this newest phenomenon to hit the singles scene.
‘I've been online dating for about a year,' he continues ‘and I can honestly say that some of my best dates have been with girls that I've met through the net.'
‘Ya, but what's wrong with them?' I think out loud ‘Are they ugly? Crazy? Smelly? Kelly Clarkson fans? It has to be something doesn't it? Cause why would a woman who's even remotely attractive or interesting need to look for dates online? She could sit at a bar for 4 minutes and probably receive 100 numbers…at least.'
‘Well that's just it. Most women on these sites are fed up with the bar scene. I mean, how many times can you get hit on by drunk frat boys and dirty old men before it stops being entertaining? Also, a large number of these women are just too busy with school/work/family/friends to go out every weekend and meet someone new. This way, they can sit at home during their down time, meet a couple of interesting people and actually get to know them pretty well before they decided whether or not they actually want to meet them in real life. You don't have that same luxury when you meet someone at a club. You know what?' he asks me ‘You should try it. You may be surprised.'
I laugh out loud. My friend has always been, as he likes to phrase it, more ‘sexually adventurous' than me. I call it being more ‘hornyly desperate'. He doesn't argue.
‘Who me?' I try to deflect, ‘No no, I'm not really sure that's my thing.'
‘Oh come on, what have you got to lose? I've got a great free site I can hook you up with so you wouldn't have to invest anything but a bit of time. And besides, this would be perfect for your column.'
Well, I'll give my boy one thing, he sure knows how to work me.
So, now, you can come check me out as I modestly expose myself for the world to see.
http://www.plentyoffish.com /member834482.htm
Internet dating...I'm not really sure it's truly come down to that just yet. But then again, I've never really been all that patient.
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