The Lonliest Boy

Subject X - 12.8.2004

I have issues. Lots of them. Most of the time they make me miserable. I guess they are a part of me though. Sometimes I think that if my issues disappeared it would be like losing a thumb and ring finger in some freak freestyle walking accident; I would survive, but things would be pretty awkward and unfamiliar for quite some time afterwards. Sometimes I think that the fact I have thoughts like this means I should stop thinking for a while...and maybe ease it up on the pot smoking.

Speaking of pot…one night this past summer I was down at the beach back in Vancouver, hanging out with an old friend of mine who I hadn't seen or spoken to in over a year. He asked me what I'd been up to since we last spoke.

'Oh, you know, the same old. Danced with ribbons in one of my ridiculous education classes while 30 girls witnessed the exact moment I realized that i may have chosen the wrong program to spend five years of my life completing, wrote more literary masterpieces that i got bored with halfway through when i realized that they really weren't going to make me famous so why bother, lived with a girl for a while, found my mattress and all my belongings on the roof of the dining hall at 4am one night while i was working at summer camp... '

'Whoa whoa whoa...hold on a sec'

he likes pranks

'You lived with a girl?'

Right, i guess that is the strange part

'What girl? Were you together? Was it serious? Are you engaged? Why did you say lived in the past tense?'

'Ummm...nope, definitely not engaged. And yeah, it was serious...'

'As serious as with Zoë?'

i.e. the first serious relationship I ever had. It's funny he should bring her up though.

'Yeah, as serious i guess. But different. A more grown up kind of serious. The kind that scares you.'

'No...the kind that scares you. '

I laugh at this. It's always strange when you realize that someone knows you better than you give them credit for.

'Right, the kind that scares me. But i fought through the fear and actually managed to live with this girl for a while without her developing an intense hatred towards me.'

'And at the end of the day that's all you can really ask for out of a relationship eh?'

'Don't say 'eh' anymore alright?'

'Shut it jerkface. So seriously, why were you talking in the past tense? When did you break up?'

'Couple of days ago.'

'You broke up with her i assume.'

'Why would you think...yeah, i broke up with her.'

'Why this time?'

'I don't know. I may be relationship retarded. I think it's quite possible that I'm too selfish to be with someone who expects to receive as much as they give.'

'Listen, there are certain things you need to do to keep your girl happy.'

'Hey idiot, shut it. I'm not talking about sex. It's just that...uh...'

'What is it? Spit it out!'

'Well, simply put, I don't know how to be a good boyfriend.'

'You did with Zoë'

'Yeah...and look how that masterpiece turned out...are those the results I'm supposed to be emulating?'

'Ah so here lies our answer Watson! You, my sarcastic little monkey, have past-relationship issues.'

'No that's not it. Well...maybe....i don't know...i think i need to be alone for now...or for more than now.'

It was at this point that my good friend turned to me and said in that 'I'm just joking' voice that you know means he's not really joking all that much:

'You, my friend, are, by far, the loneliest boy i know.'

I have issues. Lots of them. Most of the time they make me miserable. But on nights like tonight i light a joint and laugh at how much more interesting my life is because of them. It's true, I have issues...but i love them.

Forward warm & fuzzy things to Subject X

[back to subject x] - [home]